Don't Follow Your Bliss (if it has no idea where it's going)

When I was looking for work, I got a lot of questionable advice from people who already had jobs.  I devised a mental system where I asked myself three questions when someone started giving unsolicited advice: Is this person an expert in any way?  Does this person have insight into a field I am interested in?  Who was president last time this person was looking for a job? If the answers were no, no, and Clinton it became a smile and nod situation.  Yes, yes, Bobert, I should just walk right in there in show them what I’ve got.  I’ve never thought of these great ideas.  I will be sure to underscore that I can use a computer, that will certainly make me stand out.  But my least favorite advice was the smooshy, unhelpful “follow your bliss” “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” bananas. 

Now, I don’t think we should expect to hate our jobs and be miserable 8 hours of every day.  I think we can aim for engaging, fulfilling careers that we genuinely enjoy. And I like to work.  I like to feel productive, and to contribute to society and other people’s lives, and I do much better when I have an obligation to get me up each morning. But the main reason I work is to get money.  I use the money to purchase goods and services, which I use to not die and also to enjoy myself.  I think the idea that you should “love your work so much you would do it for free” is absolutely bonkers.  If you love your job that much, that rocks for you, and I hope it continues to be amazing, so feel free to not read this post and try to remember that there isn't a fit so perfect out there for everyone.
 

First of all, this is highly impractical advice.  I have yet to hear of a single job where I eat breakfast al fresco, spend a few hours with the kiddos at church, read a book in my bed all afternoon, go bowling with my friends, have a margarita at home with Miles, and fall asleep watching Planet Earth.  And I get the feeling this position would not offer a 401k match.  My goals for my life and career are still being fleshed out, but still, they are pretty solid, and I know more or less what to do to move towards them.  My dreams range from "become a lawyer because I read a great article about RBG" to "hug a baby, literally any baby" and my bliss often takes the form of a glass of Riesling and a craft project that will inevitably take months to complete. One is the fun friend, and one is the good-advice friend, and I need them both in my life.

Secondly, this way of thinking puts work smack dab in the center of your life.  Not just in terms of time, but the idea that you should be gloriously happy when you work and love work with all your heart and your job should be your first commitment, practically as well as emotionally is ridiculous.  It puts way too much pressure on us to find a job that can be all of that, in a society where so much of our identity and self worth is already wrapped up in our jobs.  I mean, we talk about work life balance on one hand, and on the other demand that work BE your life.  It makes having a good job that is generally enjoyable feel like a failure when in reality, that’s an enviable situation.  There is nothing wrong with your job being just one part of your multifaceted life.  If you make your passions your work, they’re going to start to feel like work.  I personally want to keep my most beloved things for myself.

One of the things I love the most in the world is working with kids.  I think children are an absolute delight.  I barely even mind when a baby cries on an airplane, because frankly, I am a grown woman and handle travel only slightly better and also I get to look at the baby and babies are very cute.  I have probably waved at over 500 people under 10 on the train.  And for a while, this was also how I made my living.  I got paid to do what I love the most, kiss little tummies and do crafts and say great stuff like “I need you to stop licking each other and use the potty.”   I loved my job and I really identified with it.  I would pull a pack of wet wipes out of my purse at a bar, scattering crayons and legos and once, a severed Pinky Pie head. I’d grin and laugh, “I’m a nanny!” I’d say to strangers by way of explanation.  I was never at a loss at a family party, because I kept chalk and color change markers in the trunk of my car.  It was a great job, and I loved it.  I moved on in part because there is about zero upward mobility in most childcare jobs.  It is, of course, possible to have a career in childcare, and many people do, but that wasn’t for me.  I knew it wasn’t for me because working with kids was becoming a chore.  I would get home at the end of the day with little patience left for my own loved ones.  A friend would try to give me a hug, and I just wanted to go ten seconds without someone touching me.  Even watching animated movies felt like working.  I plan to have kids of my own, and I certainly don’t want to come back to them at the end of the day sick and tired of children.  Of course, part of that is the unique nature of working with children, and part of it is the fact that I worked in people’s homes, not a professional environment with fancy stuff like “coworkers” and “lunch breaks” and “laws that make it so nobody watches you pee.”   But I also learned that having my work be my thing doesn’t work for me.  I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to live my passion all day and still feel like myself on my own time.   I love my job now, but the way you love a job, not the way I love the things that are nearest and dearest to my heart.

So I suppose I took “follow your bliss” as horrible career advice, but good for life in general. I’m certainly following my bliss.  I’m cultivating my happy and healthy friendships and letting the not so good ones fade, I read, I volunteer with the kids at church with nothing but joy in my heart.  I’m moving in with my boyfriend and embarking on the next chapter of our lives, exploring graduate programs and watching how our relationships change and grow as my siblings and I become adults, and enjoying the fact that now I get to be friends with my parents. I also have a job.  I am blissfully happy a surprising amount of the time.