I Read it So You Don't Have To: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin

Non fiction always has a loooong subtitle, so here it is in full: The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too) by Gretchen Rubin

General impressions: thought provoking, accessibly written, not a favorite.

In the book, Rubin argues that the different ways we respond to expectations influence the way we do just about everything. The critical distinction, she says, is whether those expectations come from ourselves, or others. Internal vs External expectations. The various combinations of responses to each type determine which of four Tendencies you fall into.

You can take a quiz here to find out your tendency! You can also be a bit of a combination of two adjacent ones.

I couldn’t identify mine to my satisfaction, which might be part of why I wasn’t crazy about this book. For most of the questions in the quiz, I didn’t feel like any of the answers sounded like me, and reading the books there were parts of three of the four that I identified with, but also parts that didn’t sound like me at all. I can rule out “rebel” with confidence though, if you can believe that.

“Upholders” respond well to both internal and external expectations. A bunch of huge nerds, basically. Doing what they’re “supposed” to do comes naturally for upholders. On the flip side, upholders can be a bit too rigid, feel compelled to follow rules that don’t necessarily make sense, and struggle when expectations aren’t clear. This is me signaling every turn in an empty parking lot.

“Obligers” are the largest group, and they respond well to external expectations, but not so well to internal ones. One example she gives is a friend who doesn’t understand why she can’t motivate herself to start running, because when she was on a track team she never missed practice. These folks are reliable friends and colleagues, but feel they often let themselves down. This is me being unable to turn down any requests to babysit, then realizing I’ll never see the inside of my home again.

She suggests people in this group figure out creative ways to make internal expectations external, like having a buddy at work who is also resisting the donuts, or sending a chapter of the novel you want to write to a friend each week. She even gives an example of a pair of running buddies who bring one of the other person's shoes home with them, knowing the other can't get their run in if they don't show up keeps them accountable.

“Rebels” resist both outer and inner expectations. They prioritize self-determination and are often less likely to do something because it’s expected or they’ve been asked to do it. Rebels are often frustrated with themselves because they resist even their own expectations. I don’t think this is ever me, but if you have an example, I’d love to hear it!

“Questioners” are the second largest group, they respond well to internal expectations, and not external ones. They like to examine every rule/expectation, collect all the info, and then just do what makes sense to them. Essentially, they look at all expectations and decide if they’re good enough to internalize. The negative side being that they may overwhelm themselves with options or information, or drive people up the wall with their constant questions. I’m at my most Questioner when researching the benefits of a goal I’m considering making, no matter how minor the actual change would be.

Miles is a total questioner, there have been times when I’ve asked him to help me with something and he will actually say to my ears something like “there’s literally no benefit to doing that.” If I can come up with a benefit, he’s suddenly happy to do it. To his credit, “it will make me feel better” is usually a compelling enough benefit.

I have two main issues with this book. One is that it feels like Rubin got her hands on a hammer and now everything is a nail.  I think it’s interesting and certainly helpful to look at how we respond to expectations and how others might respond differently, but I personally don’t think it impacts as much of what we do as Gretchen does. I also think the framework is a bit too simple to call a “Personality Profile.” When I think of my relationship to expectations, the thing that impacts my life most is the tendency to think in my brain that expectations I put on myself, or just completely made up, have been put on me by other people, then wear myself down and resent those people, who have never said or even implied that they had that expectation. But that’s not one of the types.

The other one is that it was tough to relate to this framework as a person with depression. When I’m depressed I respond in a completely different way to expectations than when I’m not. Since your Tendency is described as fundamental and unchanging, I’m not sure how that fits in. When I’m mildly depressed I can’t meet my own expectations, and it can be helpful to make them external. When I’m super depressed, external expectations feel like unbearable assaults, and my most mild internal expectations are a lifeline (for example, “I will take a shower today.”) I also know some people who you might initially categorize as a “Rebel” but really, they just have ADD or a defiant streak.

To be fair, the book says these aren’t all encompassing of who we are, that our individual personalities also have a huge effect on all these things, and that you’re not supposed to pigeonhole yourself or others by Tendency, and instead use it as a tool for thinking about how we respond to expectations. The whole thing is an interesting idea, and I always root for self-examination so if this resonates with you, you might enjoy the book very much, especially if you're looking for specific strategies. I found it overly rigid and limiting, but then again, Gretchen is a classic upholder.

Equifax and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

You may have heard buzz recently about a huge date breach a Equifax, one of the three big credit reporting agencies. One of the (many) frightening things about this incident is how many people don;t know they might be impacted. Even though you probably never interact with Equifax, there is a good chance they have a whole lot of your personal information, as your lenders, credit card companies, and even utility providers probably report it to them for the purpose of coming up with your credit score and report. Another of the frighting things is the information they took, which includes not only credit card information, but Social Security and driver's license numbers. You know, everything someone would need to buy your identity on the dark web. The attack may have impacted up to 143 million Americans.

The Times has a good article on it, that includes horrifying quotes like "This is about as bad as it gets" and “On a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of risk to consumers, this is a 10” and just to keep with the apocalyptic themes of 2017  “This is also a Homeland Security risk as enemy nation states build databases of Americans that they then use to get to their targets, for example a network operator at a power grid, or a defense contractor at a missile defense company.”

So that's cool. What can you do? You can start at www.equifaxsecurity2017.com/enroll and sign up for free identity theft protection. They'll monitor your credit report, and search suspicious sites for your social security number. This is great, but they're only offering a year of protection, and since your social security number and other information doesn't expire, it could very well be used later, after all the hullabaloo has passed and people aren't being as vigilant.

Going forward, you should get your credit reports every year. There is only one website authorized by the federal government to pull your report, and it's annualcreditreport.com. Once a year, you are entitled to a free copy of your three credit reports. Get all three as they may not match, and just review them to make sure everything looks right, and is a card you actually opened or a loan you actually applied for. You can also put a fraud alter on your file, which will require any lenders to take a few extra steps to verify anyone claiming to be you is, in fact, you. The alert is only active for 90 days, but there's no limit to the number of times you can renew it, and it's free. If you're a network operator at a power grid, or a defense contractor at a missile defense company I'm not sure what to tell you, but I would certainly hope your employer has a plan.

So take a deep breath, and don't panic. Take action to protect your identity and secure your online information, but don't freak out! You aren't liable for fraudulent activity, and you can be proactive in protecting yourself. Just remember that with everything being online now, monitoring your identity is just another routine, grown up part of taking care of your finances.

The feelings you're not supposed to have at other people's weddings

I love weddings. I love: love, happy tears, cake, dancing, friends and family getting together, and champagne. Those are actually all in my top 25 favorite things, so really, I would expect to feel unadulterated joy at the recent slew of friends and acquaintances getting married and engaged. I feel a lot of things, and though joy is chief among them, I'm also a little jealous, curious, and some sort of strange fourth feeling I have yet to identify. The closer I am to the couple, the bigger the joy and the littler the other things. In this post, I want to dig a bit into those other feelings, but I also want to make it extra clear that I don’t mean to be judgmental, or negative. I don’t want anyone to feel I’m singling them out or subtweeting (subblogging?) as I write this. I want to do what I’m always trying to do, which is be honest and real about my experiences in hopes that it will help others who feel similar, or give someone the boost they need to be honest and real about theirs. I would love for this blog to spark conversation, and a chance for us to use social media to understand one another better, rather than stare at everyone’s curated pages feeling bad.

I'm not jealous because I'm particularly eager to get married, Miles and I are quite happy with our life and our relationship the way it is. We'll get around to it eventually, and please let us live in the meantime. I'm jealous that other folks are in a place where they feel stable and established enough to get married. I'm jealous that people can afford to get married. Forget a wedding, we couldn't even swing living without a roommate and putting him on my car insurance. Of course, I also know that none of my married friends have it all figured out either. I read an interesting piece once (which I tried to find, but the sheer volume of a google search for "millennials delaying marriage" made me think it may be impossible) that suggested an interesting idea about this. The basic idea is that it used to be kind of a given that getting married was one of the first things you did on your journey into adulthood, usually before or right after graduating from college, if you even went. As social and economic forces scrambled the traditional Job-Wedding-House-Kids path young people started to think about marriage less as an early step in becoming an adult, and more as a “whenever it makes sense” step, and in many cases, one of their last steps, to be taken once they feel their transformation to Real Adult is complete. I found this a really interesting way to look at it, though I think the difference is more personal, rather than generational, than the article suggested. I think I fall on the “last step” side of the spectrum. My parents got married in their thirties, with a full decade of independent life behind each of them. I always assumed I would do the same. This plan was slightly altered when I met Miles literally the first day of college, but my general outlook remains intact. So when friends get married, I tend to think of the stage of life I want to be at when I get married, assume that’s where they are, and that’s when the jealousy monster comes out to play. In reality, of course, these couples are just trying to navigate it all while also being married. Some will assert being married makes it harder, some that being married makes it easier, and the wisest of us will probably try to not make any assertions about other people’s relationships and marriages.

Weddings make me curious. I always wonder why now? I’m curious about how people come to decide on the timing of their marriage. How much of a role are practical considerations playing? What about family expectations, or the sense that it’s just the right time? I also have Big Questions about wedding finances, with the average American wedding costing close to $30,000.  I know that most people pay for weddings through some combination of money they’ve saved up, help from both sets of parents and, in some cases, debt. But still. How many 25 year olds are running around my life that just have tens of thousands of dollars? Where and more importantly when did they get it? Do they not have student loans? Do people save for their wedding before paying those off? Are people’s parents giving them that much money? Are they giving all their kids that much? Is this impacting their plans for retirement? If we spend our life savings on a wedding, how will we get a down payment together on a house? Does everyone I know and their parents just have way more money than I think? THIS DOES NOT ADD UP AND NOW I AM PANICKING. So if news of your upcoming nuptials causes me to start barfing all over the place, please assume I have recently googled something horrifying like “average wedding venue cost New England” or “median home price Greater Boston”  and don’t take it personally.

Here are some other things I sometimes feel about weddings, all of which I wish I did not feel:

Judgmental- While I don’t struggle much with judging people’s major life decisions (I promise I’m not on FB thinking your fiancé is a huge scrub or that you really haven’t know each other long enough) but what if you pick a wedding cake that I think is ugly? It truly does not matter or need to affect me at all, yet there I am, being a brat because I spend too much time on Pintrest. I don’t even have especially good taste, so this really makes no sense.

 Judged- Yes, I know that being a Judgy McJudgerson makes you paranoid that everyone is judging you so I take some responsibility for this. But no, we’re not engaged. Yes, we live together. Yeah, with a roommate (have you googled “median rent Greater Boston” recently?) Thanks for your concern about “locking it down” and “making it official.” After only dating for 7 years, having shared out entire adult lives,  and striving to love one another better every day as we build a future together, things are still pretty unofficial, so it’s super validating to hear everyone’s opinions on how we should become a real couple.

Nosy- I'm generally a nosy person, and I do not like this about myself. I know that weddings are stressful, and can cause drama and I want to drink it all up like a sponge. I'll be tactful, but inside I am dying to know who got in a fight with who about what and also how much you paid for everything. Sorry. 

Annoyed- There is just so much rigamarole, so much stuff I have to spend money on, so many rules, and so many platitudes. So. Many. 

Worn Out- It's a mathematical reality of our universe that for every person who gets married, two to three other people have an "I'm going to die alone" freak out. Most freak outs I am good and helpful (I'm a a real expert on having them, so I know what I'm talking about.) I'm supportive, and my signature move is telling you something you already know but in like, a nice way.But I'm horrible at this flavor of freak out, can't relate, and have little to offer besides the profoundly unhelpful "That's probably not true." It's hard for me to stand there being useless in between a friend who is crying because they feel completely unlovable, and another friend who is enjoying the happiest and most romantic day/time of their life. 

I do want to finish up by reminding you that I LOVE WEDDINGS. I was recently in the world's best wedding and I cried like a lil baby and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I go two sisters for the price of one. After all the running around and choreographed standing most of the day was pure joy. But the point of this post is that the pressure to feel pure joy all the time, around all things wedding is crazy, and you don't need to feel bad if sometimes you also feel other things. Excuuuuse me for containing multitudes.  

Riding in Style- Buying Car Insurance

At amateur adults, we've chatted about buying a car in two volumes, and insurance in two more (so far...there's a lot of ground to cover!) Friends With Benefits: Insurance included a handy explanation of car insurance generally works, copied here for your convenience, because I aim to serve.

In most states you need car insurance to have your vehicle legally registered.  This is because if you cause an accident you are responsible not only for the damage to your car, but also damage to the other person’s car, medical costs due to injuries from the accident and any property damaged in the accident (think fences.)  If you have insurance, they become responsible for these costs (up to a certain amount, which you will select when you purchase coverage.) The other driver’s insurance company is not liable for anything.  If you don’t have insurance they can come after you personally, and if you don’t have the money the other person is SOL.  That’s why the state makes you buy a certain amount of coverage.  They use your history as well as statistics to determine how much of a risk you are, which is why car insurance costs more for people under 25, especially men, and in certain zip codes.  They may also take into account how much you drive, and the safety equipment in your vehicle.  It’s illegal in most states to charge people more for car insurance for being bad drivers, but it’s fine to give discounts to good drivers, which is why they will often lower your rate if you haven’t had an accident or violation in a certain number of years.

The first thing you want to do is shop around with several different companies. This is a bit of a pain, but it makes a HUGE difference. When I was shopping for insurance, Progressive (which was cheapest when I bought my last car) quoted me over $1300 for 6 months, and I ended up paying $800.45 for the exact same coverage from Geico.  Conveniently, you can shop for car insurance without leaving your house or talking to anyone. You'll need the following:

- Basic information about your own self and your driving history.
- Your social security number and/or drivers license number.
- The make, model and year or the VIN of your car or the car you're considering. Different cars cost different amounts to insure, so if you're looking at a few go ahead and do quotes for all of them.
- Information about the features-some companies change the rates slightly based on safety and anti theft features. If you don't own the car yet, and you don't have this info you can leave it alone (most insurance website auto populate with standard features) and you'll get a good idea, you can refine this once you know the info.

Head to as many sites as you can think of/google and punch it all in!

At this point, you'll probably get a quote for the amount of coverage they recommend, along with a cheaper bare bones version, and a more expensive Ultra Insurance. Many companies offer the option to pick your own coverage levels and will give you a quote for that. That's what I did, and I ended up with something in between the most basic and the recommended package. I like this, because you can see what each thing is contributing to your premium, and adjust it to balance what you're comfortable with against what you can afford. I've included what each costs me, for my total premium of $800.45, which you'll recall is for 6 months of coverage.

But why are there so many different kinds of coverage? What do they mean? Do I need them? You know what's coming next!

Most of these are displayed like this: 20k/40k, which means they will pay up to $20,000 per person or $40,000 per accident.

Compulsory BI (Bodily Injury) covers your share of the cost if someone not in your car is injured, as well as your legal defense if needed, up to your limit. 20k/40k is the minimum in Massachusetts. I pay $124.95 for this

Optional BI lets you pay a bit more to raise your limit to whatever you choose. I don't have this. If you hurt someone and they need more than 20k they and/or their insurance company is legally entitled to try and get the money from you. I don't have this coverage because I don't have much for anybody to get, and it's unlikely that anyone would want to spend the money/hire the lawyers needed to get my presumably damaged Mitsubishi and the couple thousand dollars that I own. As dads around the land will tell you, you get get blood out of a stone. (For the record, I am a beautiful gem in the scenario, not a regular rock) Generally, this is why I have low limits, someone who actually has assets to protect should have more.

Property Damage is pretty straightforward, if you cause an accident that damages someones property, your insurance will pay up to your limit to fix or replace what was damaged. Massachusetts requires you have at east $5,000 per accident. I have $25,000 because tbh I think it was the lowest amount I was able to choose. Because this is the one of the most likely to be what your insurance company pays out for, it's pretty pricey ($232.30, almost 30% of my total premium) so I'm just crossing my fingers that I don't crash my car into a shelf of Fabergé eggs.

Personal Injury Protection is like bodily injury, but for you and your passengers. It's for reasonable expenses like loss of wages and out of pocket healthcare costs. In MA the minimum is $8,000 per person, but you can basically waive it by having an $8,000 deductible. You can save a bit by choosing a more normal deductible (like it will kick in after you've paid $500 for example.) I figured it was worth it for the peace of mind, so for the pleasure of having no deductible on this I pay $83.60.

Uninsured Motorist pays if you are injured by a driver without insurance. MA requires 20k/40k, and that's what I have (for just $10.95!) I wouldn't pay any extra for a higher limit because I have health insurance.

Under insured Motorist pays if you are injured by a driver who doesn't have enough bodily injury to cover what you need. This is not required, but I was offered 20k/40k for FREE so I took it.

You can see that most of your car insurance is on the people and things in and around your car, but there are a few items that cover the car itself.

Collision pays for your car if it crashes or flips over. You can often buy limited collision, which will cover a collision if the other driver is at least 50% at fault. This is another expensive one (I pay $268.85 for it) I have regular, not limited, because I am not the worlds most amazing driver. You can also save a lot by raising your deductible. They tend to suggest $500, mine is $1,000. I also have a waiver, which means if I'm not at least 50% at fault in the accident I won't have to pay my deductible. When my old car got totaled I was so glad my deductible was waived, the idea of someone else running a stop sign and hitting me, and it costing me money is already making me mad.  Because I have more than that in my emergency fund, I'm comfortable that IF I cause an accident, it's going to cost $1,000.

You might skip collision entirely if your car isn't worth much to start with. One rule of thumb I've seen is if collision coverage is 25% of the value of your vehicle every six months you can drop it. I've also heard if you car is over 10 years old. If you're really savvy, you would put the money you don't spend on collision coverage towards your next car, because if it's that old or worth that little there's a good chance it'll need replacing soon regardless even without an accident.

Comprehensive covers damage to your car from a variety of other stuff, generally things that would happen to your car while it's parked, like theft, vandalism, fire, a falling tree, hail, flood etc. I pay $73.15 for this. I have a $500 deductible. My comprehensive also includes glass, with it's own $100 deductible. So if one of my enemies smashes all my windows I can get it fixed for $100. You can also save on comprehensive coverage by not having any enemies.

Some companies will offer other coverage and perks. I have roadside assistance for just $6.65. Always get roadside assistance, especially if you can find it at that price! Even AAA ($66/year) will pay for itself after one call, two or three times over if you need a tow.

My favorite way to save on insurance is to pay in full. You buy it in 6 month parcels, and you can elect to pay each month, or pay it all upfront. I saved about $250 doing it this way. Because I'm savvy, I put away 1/6th of my premium each month, so when it comes time to renew I'm ready to roll without touching my savings.

Cohabitation Nation!

There is plenty of advice out there in the world on deciding if you should move in with your significant other, so I won't go through a whole checklist with you.  While I think the most important thing is to make a purposeful and thoughtful decision about it, I am truly baffled by the articles that are like "lots of people move in together accidentally, you just leave your toothbrush and then you get a drawer and then you just realize you live there!" Okay first of all HOW? Who has room for another person to just gradually start living in their apartment? Who is just never going to their place and keeps paying rent on it without really thinking about it? Like 90% of my life decisions are based on being able to afford my life, and like half of affording my life is paying rent.  Also who are these young adults living in big cities with no roommates to object to this arrangement? I am truly baffled.  But okay.  For us the hardest part of the process was the before- the decision to move in together and finding a place.  Someday I will probably write about apartment hunting, but only if I can contain myself.

If you don't know them already, you will quickly learn your SO's quirks. I highly recommend knowing them beforehand. Miles and I had been together for five years before moving in, so there were not many surprises. He already knew that I snore, create tons of laundry with my daily costume changes, and am less than vigilant when it comes to washing dishes. I knew that he leaves a path of half empty glasses of water in his wake, yells at his computer, and forgets to hang up wet towels. Every day we decide to overlook these things or find them endearing, and I keep walking around the house gathering glasses, and he keeps actually washing the stacks in the sink. It works, and this familiarity has made it easy to settle into a rhythm. Some people say the annoying things get more annoying over time, but I'm not sure I agree. My irritation at his constant knee jiggling plateaued years ago. I've learned since moving in together that my reaction to his quirks has more to do with my mood at the time than anything else. If I'm cheerful, I'll barely notice, if I'm hungry/grumpy/tired I begin to wonder how he could have come to hate me so much he wants me to live in a home with used teabags in the sink. Luckily, he came to realize this ages before I did, and doesn't take it personally.

Moving in together is also a fun, flirty way to introduce Money Issues into your relationship. It's critical that this stuff be handled openly and in a way that makes everyone comfortable right from the get go. Money is my personal greatest source of anxiety (thus my obsession with personal finance) and American's most often cited reason for divorce and relationship strife. If you're thinking about a life-meld with your partner you need to get on the same page on this, stat. I won't pretend this has been a major issue for us, and I suspect it's because of our similar salaries and close enough ideas about how money should be spent and financial priorities. Another big factor here is that we live with a (lovely) roommate, which helps separate the relationship stuff from the money stuff. In our situation, we split the rent and the bills three even ways, and square up via Venmo at the end of the month. I also like the idea of a joint bank account each couple-member puts a designated amount into monthly and is used for household expenses, though I haven't tried it in practice.

In addition to money, the other big M I strongly believe should be broached when you decide to move in together is, natch, marriage. UGH, I know, I'm sorry (not sorry.) I'm not saying you need to be planning your wedding, but if one of you sees cohabitation as a step on the way to marriage and the other as an alternative to it, you ought to know that before legally entangling yourselves. If it's not on either of your horizons and you both just want to jump on in, or you have made or plan to make a lifelong commitment that isn't marriage, that's not my jam, but do your thing, as long as you're on the same page. Yeah I'm wishy washy on this, but I will take the stance that if you aren't comfortable discussing the future honestly, you should continue living separately to avoid compounding an emotional mess with a logistical one.

The best part of living together is that it's so much fun! No longer having to make plans to hang out, seeing your person all the time, impromptu dance parties, unlimited snuggles and you only have too cook dinner half as often? Yes please! There is however, a lot more available to fight about. If you're not paying attention, it's easy to start doing the thing where everything becomes about something else, like in the 30 Rock episode where they go to IKEA. Maybe you find yourself saying great stuff like "Are we going to hang up the curtains this weekend? Or should we just tell the windows they can sit and WAIT and let allll the heat out while the curtains take their SWEET TIME meanwhile time is marching on  and the WINDOWS ARE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER." I've never had that argument, but I did struggle to hang some curtains and end up crying on the floor because "I can't even hang up one thing" and Miles had to gesture around the room and say "look at all the stuff you hung up, it's way more than one thing" and then he hung up the curtains while I ate dinner on the couch and looked pathetic.

The moral of the story is, I suppose, that living together can be great and wonderful and fun. Don't let the convenience factor throw you off, you'll need to put more effort into your relationship, not less.
In my opinion, it's the good kind, and is more than worth it.

Help I'm moving!

So you're moving into you second (or third, or fourth, or ninemillionth) apartment, and hopefully it's an upgrade!  I just moved out of my Very First Apartment after 4 years there, and have all sorts of luxuries like a dish washer, laundry in the building, the elusive spare bedroom, and my cute boyfriend.  I also have a roommate who shares my pintrest enthusiasm and owns a fluffy cat.

I'm going to skip right over the part where we actually found the place, because it was horrible.  I've heard stories of New Yorkers doing crazy things to snag the perfect place, and I completely understand.  I gave a full months rent to the most unprofessional professional I have ever met to show us almost all of the apartment, and give us a lease that was almost correct (don't worry, we got a new one.) Maybe you had a nice realtor or, in some kind of rainbow unicorn situation, worked directly with the owner.  Maybe you are smarter than me so you don't live in Boston.  

But whatever.  We signed the lease, toasted with the finest ($10est) prosecco and started plotting. With a severely diminished savings account, an apartment full of every item I've procured in my adult life, and a vague fear of getting oil heat I was ready to roll.  Here's what I did, and what I'll do differently next time.

First thing: Sort out logistics, and book the truck

I didn't want to move on 9/1, and fortunately the girl who took over my room was flexible.  If you live in Boston, do this if at all possible. It may be worth offering some money about it, because when I looked at quotes for trucks, renting 9/3-9/4 was about $200 less than renting 8/31-9/1.

Book the truck as soon as you have a final date. I had some furniture that needed to go pack to my parent's house, so I found a truck that we could pick up in Boston and return in Albany.  

This was also the point where I called my dad aka brought in a consultant.  Two of his many skills include knowing how to pack a truck, and being able to drive a truck. He already owns moving blankets and tie downs and bungee cords, so I didn't have to rent or buy them.  He also brought a bonus, car insurance that covers rented trucks.  Also he helped pay for things like that dang truck, and food for the "crew," because I am a princess who has the world's nicest parents.  

Second thing: What to pack IN

I didn't buy any boxes, but for some people, having a nice stack of correctly sized, undamaged cardboard boxes is a real sanity saver, and they aren't that expensive. I foraged mine from work  and local liquor stores.  This was a great system for me, because I would just fill the boxes as I got them, which made spreading out the packing easy.  

Don't forget to put heavy stuff in small boxes, and make use of the suitcases and storage stuff you already have.  I own two of those plastic drawer things, so I just filled those right up and wrapped the drawers with tape.  

I also bought two big Rubbermaid containers.  These are great to pack in, but I wouldn't buy more than you'll actually use post move, because they take up a good amount of space.  

Third thing: Get a head start

When I first started packing, I had a system.  I would tackle a little area and go though everything deciding what was worth moving, and giving a lot of stuff away.  I started with things I wouldn't need before moving, seasonal stuff mostly.  I moved on to my bookshelves, and my craft items etc etc.  These boxes have been easy to unpack, as they were lovingly packed and organized by Past Julianna, who is very considerate.  As moving day got closer, the system gradually broke down, but I ended up only having a few boxes full of random stuff.

Fourth thing: Pretend you're camping

The best moving tip I got was that for the two weeks before you move, think of yourself not as living in your home, so much as camping in it.  Pack up anything you don't absolutely need.  I cooked a good amount of food so I could pack up my kitchen sooner, next time I'll do more of that.  

Fifth thing: Get help

I recruited some strong friends who helped make up for my noodle arms and, as I mentioned, my dad cause he's a pro.  Maybe you're fancy, and want to hire movers.  Please don't hurt yourself.

Last thing: You can do it

Take breaks, remember to eat, just keep putting stuff where it goes and you'll eventually be done!

Don't forget the Paperwork Party!

Set up mail forwarding with USPS. You can choose a future date to start forwarding, so your mail will get sent to your new place starting when you first move. The website charges $1 to verify your identity and gives you a bunch of coupons for Bed Bath and Beyond, rental trucks, and more! Use this link, there are a surprising number of change of address scams out there.

If you don't know the people moving in, leave them a forwarding address, or better yet, stickers!  You can make mailing labels that say "Please forward to [you new address]" and if they stick that on and throw it in the mailbox (no postage needed) you won't miss anything.

Change the address on your license.  In Massachusetts the law requires that you change the address on file with the RMV (free) to your current address, but you don't need to get a new license ($110.)  You can change your address online and just write your new address on the back of your license and wait until renewal time to get a new one.

Register to vote or change your voter registration.  They make this super easy when you change your license or set up mail forwarding. Google also gives easy instructions.  Even if you're in the same state (or city) you need to move your registration  so you're voting in the correct district. This will also allow you to vote at a polling place closer to your home. Students can register either at their school address or their permanent address.  Non students who still vote absentee from their parents address because they live in Ohio and want their vote to "count more" are "committing fraud" and should move their registration. I recommend "becoming invested in the community where you actually live"  as a satisfying alternative to telling people once every four years that you get to vote in a swing state.

Other people who need your new address:
Your bank
All credit card companies you work with
Your employer, start with the Payroll or Benefits office  (you'll be do a lot of running around come tax season if your W-4 goes to the wrong place)
Your car insurance company
Healthcare providers
Anytime you receive a forwarded piece of mail that's actually important, contact the sender to give them your new address.

For advice on furnishing your new place on the cheap, check out these past posts! 

Get a Grip at the Grocery Store

I love grocery shopping.  My family makes fun of my dad, because going to Hannaford is like a hobby to him and also the center of his social life, but I have 100% inherited this affinity.  I love to see what’s new, search for deals, and get ideas for future cooking adventures.  At my grocery store on Mission Hill I also get to see amateur adults who have only begun grocery shopping.   Sometimes they loudly make excited realizations (non-dairy milks last much longer than the real stuff!) and sometimes, they are struggling.  I’ve watched people try to figure out how the deli works and end up giving up (there’s a machine you take a number from, then you wait your turn,) valiantly hold back tears in the face of an overwhelming selection of cereal, or frantically calling parents for advice. 

It’s not surprising that so many amateur adults are afraid of the grocery store, it’s a place full of choices, where you have to spend money, and figure out how to sustain and nourish yourself, but there are so many distractions, and again, too many choices, and everything is just THERE and you’re supposed to just know what you need and what to do, but you’re totally overwhelmed.  If that’s not the story of “emerging adulthood” I don’t know what is.  But you can take on the grocery store!

Before you go:

Have a look around your fridge and pantry and think about what you need.  Do not make grand plans.  I allow myself to buy stuff for a totally new recipe once or twice a month, because I know that when I get home from work I want to make dinner in 20 minutes, and I only want one pan to get dirty in the process. 

Rethink meals.  We often think of a meal as having a distinct main portion, and then multiple sides.  These types of meals are time consuming to make, usually require a lot of different ingredients (aka expensive) and are tricky to time.  

Make a list.  I’m sorry, but until you get real good at winging it, you need a list.  Do not put things you just threw out on the list, you obviously didn’t use it.  Alternatively, buy a smaller package.

Have a snack.  Going grocery shopping hungry is a recipe for disaster on par with trying to do your shopping on a Sunday evening. 

Once you’re there:

Get a basket or a little cart.  You’re probably shopping for one.  You know you’re going to fill that huge cart up with $200 worth of stuff and 30% of it will go bad in the back of your fridge. 

Start by walking around the edge of the store.  Unless you shop at one of those weird-shaped anarchy stores like the Start Market in Central, they keep the basics around the edge.  Produce, meat, dairy, breads, etc. 

Be wary of sales. If something perishable is on sale it’s usually because it is nearing its expiration date.  This stuff is fine to buy if you’ll be using it soon, but don’t try to stock up.  Don’t be lured by the fun sales either, and just ignore the stuff on the ends of the aisles. 

Give yourself fewer choices.  My strategy is to pick between the three cheapest things.

Look for good values.  Look not just at the price, but at the price per unit to compare different brands and sizes.  Sometimes the big version will save you a LOT.  This only works if you use it before it goes bad though.  Go ahead and buy the giant peanut butter, but think twice about the value pack of chicken breasts.  Think about how many meals you’ll be able to get out  of a purchase. 

Step away from the fancy cheese section.  Or the gourmet cookies, or whatever pricey treats you keep buying.  It’s totally fine to treat yourself every now and then, but I cannot tell you how many of my broke friends consistently have $8 blocks of cheese in their fridge.  If you simply can’t live without fresh Parmesan that’s fine, but that’s your one thing and you can’t also get the high end version of a bunch of other stuff.  I think people get carried away because yes, you do need to spend money on groceries, but it’s possible that you don’t need to spend nearly as much as you think you do.  Yes you need food, no you do not need prosciutto.  

At Home:

Pay attention to how you cook/eat.  It just takes some time and trial and error to figure out what works for you.  For example, when I don’t feel like cooking I make eggs because they take like 5 minutes.  So I always, always have eggs.  I’ve learned that my veggies almost always go bad, so now I buy them frozen.  I keep cereal and rice on hand at all times because they last forever and then I can still eat when there’s little in my fridge besides condiments.

A sample week, from my actual life, groceries included:

My list:
Eggs
Bag of shredded cheese
Bread
Whatever fruit speaks to me/is a good price
Mixed greens
Whatever fresh veggie speaks to me/is a good price.  This week it was a bell pepper.
Whatever snacks for work speak to me/are on sale
Salsa

My impulse purchases:
Any ice cream that's on sale 2 for $5

The stuff that's already at my house:
Rice
Quinoa
Salad dressing
Peanut butter and jelly
Frozen veggies
Parmesan cheese
Beans
Soy sauce

Sunday:
Breakfast: Cheesy eggs, toast
Lunch: Potluck at church!  Free food is not just for college students.
Dinner: Fried Rice

Monday:
Breakfast: Bagel and coffee on the go at Dunkin
Lunch: Last night's fried rice
Dinner: More cheesy eggs, this time with frozen spinach, ice cream

Tuesday:
Breakfast: Oatmeal (I have three different flavors stashed at work) and a fruit
Lunch: A salad (also stashed at work) and a work snack
Dinner: The last of that friend rice, possibly ice cream

Wednesday:
Breakfast: Oatmeal (a new flavor) and a fruit
Lunch: A salad, and I buy some kettle corn at 7/11
Dinner: Quinoa with veggies and parmesan

Thursday:
Breakfast: Oatmeal and fuit, again. I grab candy from the office jar cause I'm feeling sassy
Lunch: The rest of the quinoa, a work snack
Dinner: Bean and cheese dip aka burrito in a bowl aka yum

Friday:
Breakfast: Yeah, oatmeal!
Lunch: A PB&J and Friday is FREE ICE CREAM DAY at work
Dinner: Eat out with friends

Saturday:
Brunch: Breakfast sandwich at home, maybe some ice cream, whatever
Dinner: Takeout!

It's true, I eat a lot of vegetables, leftovers and oatmeal, and don't buy meat.  But whatever, cause veggies, oatmeal, and not-meat are good for you, not eating leftovers is wasteful, and I only spend $30 a week at the grocery store.  You could turn the oatmeal into cereal or bagels, and the quinoa into pasta, and throw chicken into everything if that's what you're into.